You made me cry and you don't even care
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
