So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
