I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
