strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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