so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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