every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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