The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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