I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
