Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
