the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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