Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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