Screwed.edu
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
