Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
