I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
