Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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