Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
