does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
