he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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