that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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