when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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