And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
