my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
