I wanna bring you to show and tell
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
