When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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