I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
