did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
