At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
