My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
