I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
