I've blown a few things in my day
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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