I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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