If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
