i permit you to call me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
