I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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