what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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