This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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