No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
