my sisters under your porch take her home
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
