maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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