the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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