I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
