Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
