I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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