This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
