I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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