I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
