she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
These tits shall not be calmed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
