no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
