Already got asked if we're dating
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize