He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
