had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize