I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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