just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize