Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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