I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
