you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
