I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
