I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
