it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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