just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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