I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Randomize
