At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
