I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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