As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
