Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
