Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
