She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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