he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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