You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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