loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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