if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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