Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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