I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
