Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Pants are for mortals
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
