Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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