i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
