hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
