I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
