I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
