I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
