She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize