I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
soo... how was my night?
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