The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize