I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
