those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
