I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
