im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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