how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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