Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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